Witty sayings of the Finnish right

Thanks to eugenicist for sending me this link.  I hope y’all enjoy them as much as I did:

• Israel and Hamas recently came to an agreement about exchange of prisoners. From military history, we can tell that this exchange rate is about right: a thousand Muslims for one Jew. This disproportionate rate seems rather racist, and we haven’t been asked if the inverse rate would apply to any situation. We shall still answer: yes, since for any Western country, it would be more advantageous to take in a thousand Jews than one Muslim.
• Finland has an effective technique to solve the problems of its Roma migrants in putting their kids to schools instead of begging in the street corners. If they next threatened to force the adults to take jobs, this torrent of Roma immigrants would become a drip.
• Several trendy leftards have publicly announced that they will not have any kids. An otherwise great decision, except one generation too late.
• Any technology can be used for both good or evil, but the only thing you can trust is that most people will use it for trivialities.
• The religious people are a plague that God has placed on atheists.
• All political parties support equality of salaries. They merely disagree about how this equality is defined. Conservatives, equal salary for equal outcome. Liberals, equal salary for equal work. NDP, equal salary for any work. Greens, equal salary regardless of whether you work or not.
• I saw a clip about the reunion concert of New Kids on the Block. Based on the audience, the same women who were in the original concert and had aged along the band, I decided that it’s time to update the classic tasteless joke. Q: How is a matchbox different from an NKOTB fan? A-1991: You can squeeze two fingers inside a matchbox. A-2009: You can’t squeeze your entire fist inside a matchbox.
• The Finnish Independence Day once again reminds us all about a certain truth. When the White Finns won the 1918 civil war, this made the left free to express their erroneous ideas. Had the Red Finns won that war, the right would not be free to express their correct ideas.
• A married man will usually do the wrong thing. If he manages to do the right thing, he will do it the wrong way. If he manages to do the right thing the right way, he does it in the wrong place. If he manages to do the right thing the right way in the right place, he does it the wrong time. If he manages to do the right thing the right way in the right place the right time, he is damn annoying showing off.
• The most harmful people are those who don’t know what they don’t know.
• Elections again, and the same old problem. Most of the candidates you can’t really vote for because you don’t know who they are. The rest you surely can’t vote for, since you truly know who they are.
• The economic policy of all countries in the European Union seems to be based on the plan that they give loans to each other and then live on the interest.
• An easy way to prevent fixed events would be to allow sports betting only in women’s matches. It’s impossible to even imagine female players to co-operate to create the desired final score. And even if you could somehow achieve this, even more impossible would be to have them keep quiet about it.
• The essential difference between the nuclear power and the coal power is that if the worst possible disaster takes place in a nuclear plant, it will create about as much pollution as the equal coal plant when it functions normally.
• I wholeheartedly support the policies of family reunification for all humanitarian immigrants. The simplest possible way.
• How to make a “diet” product: (1) Remove fat (2) Add 50% more water (3) Halve the size (4) Double the price.
• The secret of leadership is giving your orders in a way that the subordinate couldn’t even imagine not following them.
• Everyone knows that Europeans are guilty for the African countries being poor and corrupt since (1) they colonized them (2) drawing the borders regardless of native cultures, and (3) the minority rule of whites prevented their societies from developing. These claims are easy to verify by noting that (1) the two African countries that were never colonies, Ethiopia and Liberia, are undeniable success stories, and (2) Somalia, the purest nation state among all former colonies, has flourished since becoming independent, and (3) South Africa, the country where the white minority ruled over the black majority the longest, is known for its poverty and despotism compared to its wealthy and democratic neighbours.
• How does the nation of Chile organize the annual championship game between their Eastern and Western conferences?
• When a young man wakes up in the morning, that one place is stiff. When an old man wakes up in the morning, every place except that one is stiff.
• Sweden during the past decade can best be summarized asfolkhemmet turning into folkhelvete.
• They won’t ask us: what is the difference between a trend and singular event? We shall answer anyway: thousands of humanitarian refugees and the robberies, assaults and rapes they commit are all singular events. One bar fight started by the right-wing rabble, even though nobody was even seriously injured, is a worrisome trend that threatens the entire national harmony and fabric.
• In the natural sciences, learning begins when you know that you really only assume. In social sciences, learning ends when you assume that you already know.
• The best way to do things is not the most reasonable way, but the most realistic way, since the general stupidity of people will prevent the most reasonable way from working.
• I noticed that a recent world championship of women’s hammer throwing was won by some athlete named Lysenko. I wonder which scientific theory would best explain how she developed to be so good in this sport?
• A man who is exceptionally lucky with women will turn into a chauvinist; a man who is exceptionally unlucky with women will turn into a misogynist; a man who has an average luck with women will turn into a husband.
• The term “hate speech” these days seems to appear in the proclamations of the tolerant crowd about as often as the word “Jew” did in the speeches of Hitler. Even in semantically equivalent places.
• Secular humanism, which basically means the Christian morality but without any belief in God, is like a bottle of Stoli but without the alcohol.
• My buddy was looking for more information about the Middle East conflict and asked for recommendations for books that discuss the topic objectively and dispassionately. I gave a couple of suggestions, but warned him that all such books are pro-Israel.
• The doctor wrote a prescription for penicillin. I just wonder if, for my sinusitis, he should have rather prescribed noceillin, since now the medicine probably ends up in the wrong extremity.
• A man knows that he has truly reached the middle age when he sees the dream babe of his boyhood years gracing the cover of the Zoomer magazine.
• Back in the day I was opposed to letting women serve in the military. My reasoning was that at least in the war, men should be allowed to be left in peace.
• Vegetarianism? If I eat grass, I will be left unsatisfied. Then the cow comes and sees that somebody ate the grass, and it will also be left unsatisfied. However, when the cow eats the grass, it will be happy, and then when I eat the cow, I will also be happy.
• They say that reasoned discussion about multiculturalism is impossible because its supporters can’t tolerate opinions that differ from theirs. Oh, sure they can. They just can’t tolerate facts that differ from their opinions.
• Calling the death penalty a legalized murder is like calling a prison sentence a legalized kidnapping and imprisonment, or calling a fine a legalized robbery.
• The debate about any problem related to immigration always goes through the same six stages: (1) There is no problem (2) Yes, there is (3) But it’s unimportant (4) No, it’s not (5) It’s all the fault of the native Finns anyway (6) F**k you.
• In Finland, there are always three things that you are simply not allowed to criticize. Which three, depends on the decade. In the thirties, home, religion and fatherland. In the seventies, president Kekkonen, the Soviet Union, and all kinds of progressive ideas. In the 2010’s, women, immigrants and alternative energy. Curiously, denouncing each of these sacred cows has every time become mandatory after thirty years.
• In choosing the energy policy, there are two alternatives, either we will be in deep shit soon, or the future generations have a small chance of being in deep shit. This should not be a difficult decision.
• I was reading this classic compilation of funny anecdotes from schools printed in1962. Some were about incorrect and funny exam answers given by the students. Perhaps these were not wrong, just ahead of their time, for example Q: What is the main religion of France? A: Islam.
• The Swedes have this bumper sticker argument for their national policy of open borders in that even their own royal family is descended from immigrants. How very appropriate. Six generations and 200 years from Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte, and the whole gang is still living high on the hog on the taxpayer krona.
• Last Tuesday, the capital of Haiti was in ruins and the whole country a total catastrophe. And that quake certainly didn’t help any.
• Lowering the voting age is popular among politicians who cynically calculate that they would receive more votes from immature people with no real responsibilities.
• A low voter turnout traditionally benefits the right-wing and conservative parties. It’s dumb not to vote, since in a democracy, voting is the way to make your voice heard. Dumb people don’t vote, smart do. A high voter turnout means that more of dumb people have cast their ballots, and the left wing parties fare better. So what can we infer about those who support the left-wing parties?
• Calling snowmobile safaris a way to enjoy nature is akin to calling rape a way to enjoy female companionship.
• Sciences try to explain complex phenomena in a maximally simple manner. Humanities and arts try to explain away simple phenomena in a maximally complex manner.
• A hyphenated last name on a woman is a warning sign similar to the bright colouring of red and yellow stripes on an animal. For men, the equivalent sign is using the middle initial.
• Right wing intellectual. Left wing populist. These expressions sound weird, unlike the ubiquitous right wing populist and left wing intellectual. However, the fact that you have to add a qualifier on a word indicates that you need to express some phenomenon that differs from the normal meaning of the word. Right wing populist and left wing intellectual thus are violations of the norm, and therefore we conclude that right wingers are normally intellectual, whereas left wingers are normally populist.
• It seems that we won’t see peace in the Middle East until one of the two things happen: (1) Arabs no longer want to kill Jews, or (2) Jews no longer want to breathe.
• They keep telling us that multiculturalism offers more possibilities than threats. Probably true. It’s just that these numerous possibilities are each unlikely and have a small payoff, whereas the few threats are each very likely and have massive consequences.
• It is important to have the right amount of education. People with not enough education lack the general knowledge to understand things, whereas an overeducated person is too abstract and detached from reality. Coincidentally, everyone believes that the right amount of education is precisely the very amount that he possesses.
• It never ceases to amaze me how much work people are willing to do just to avoid having to think.