Werewolves call for a ban on the full moon

Between 80,000 and 90,000 new werewolves have arrived annually to the U.S. each year recently and their numbers are projected to continue growing. Clearly the werewolves find the U.S. (and Europe) attractive places to live – or they wouldn’t continue to stream in.
In their native countries, werewolves have established provisions to block the effects of the full moon. Unfortunately, in the U.S. and Europe such provisions do not exist. Therefore the werewolves of Kansas City have called for a ban on the full moon. According to Fox News:

“We understand that the United States Constitution allows for the moon to appear in all its cycles, to wax and wane and even to be full , but when the allowance of the full moon incites violence it should be banned,” read a statement from the Werewolf Society.
While condemning the violence that was originally blamed on the full moon, the Werewolf group said it would “be in everyone’s interest to ban the moon from appearing in its full form.”
“We condemn the violence and feel that, in spite of the U. S. Constitution, action may be necessary to pass such a bill or, at least, censure such actions in order to calm the current situation as well as prevent future re-occurrences,” the statement read.
The Werewolf Society in Kansas City is not alone in their calls for limiting the appearance of the full moon.
“We, as Americans, have to put limits and borders [on] the moon,” the head werewolf told The Blaze.

There have been several recent instances where werewolves have gone on the rampage, randomly tearing out peoples’ hearts and engaging in other such mayhem. Each occurrence has been linked to the full moon.
There are no plans to limit the immigration of werewolves to the U.S. and Europe; their numbers are already large enough that such a move would be politically impractical. Furthermore, werewolves are on the endangered species list and any action against them could be prosecuted as a Federal crime.

This entry was posted in freedom of speech issues, Muslims, parody/satire. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Werewolves call for a ban on the full moon

  1. Puggg says:

    First time commenter, long time reader.
    Banning the full moon will have a disparate impact on the wiccan/witchcraft community. Many of their recipes/spells have as a prerequisite the light of the full moon.

  2. Georgia Resident says:

    “Banning the full moon will have a disparate impact on the wiccan/witchcraft community.”
    That doesn’t count, because they’re almost all white. White people cannot, by definition, be victims of discrimination. Didn’t your state-run school drill that basic truth into you?

  3. Pvt Maggot says:

    Most Wiccans I have seen could plausibly claim weight discrimination/lookism.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *