Breaking news: George Zimmerman eats 3-egg omelet

George Zimmerman has eaten a three egg omelet sources say. According to his estranged wife, Shelly Zimmerman, George used to eat only two-egg omelets.
This can only mean one thing, explains psychologist Dr. Dale Archer, “Zimmerman, wracked by guilt over his racism, has taken it upon himself to commit a slow suicide by cholesterol.”
The warning signs have been there for a while. Just recently, Zimmerman was seen near a McDonalds restaurant. Before that, he was observed purchasing cheese at a grocery store.
In normal humans, the two types of cholesterol, High-Diversity-Lipids (HDLs) and Low-Diversity-Lipids (LDLs) act differently upon our arteries. But the arteries of a racist are especially vulnerable to High-Diversity-Lipids. The HDLs found in whole eggs can be deadly to racists.

cholesterolActual footage of High-Diversity-Lipids (HDLs) attacking Zimmerman’s racist arteries

The fact that Zimmerman now takes an average of 2.4 seconds to respond to a traffic light changing back to green (as reported by our team of Zimmerman experts) also indicates that his state of mind has been compromised. Guilt is the only logical explanation.

Next: What brand toilet paper does George Zimmerman use? Learn what this can mean for America.

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6 Responses to Breaking news: George Zimmerman eats 3-egg omelet

  1. icareviews says:

    The eating of the three-egg omelettes constitutes a renewal of Zimmerman’s commitment to urban Holocaust, his special recipe for each omelette calling for one fertilized egg apiece from three racially diverse teen mothers in hoodies, all of whose children, if not cooked and chewed up by Zimmerman, would have become future scientists, presidents, and founders of new messianic religions.

  2. countenance says:

    Is this your subtle way of telling us that the media has gone over the top in reporting on George Zimmerman’s life after the not guilty verdict?
    You’ll need to create a blog category called “Parody News Stories” or something like that and file this story in it.

  3. Georgia Resident says:

    I think my favorite was when they breathlessly reported that Zimmerman got pulled over, and had a gun in his car at the time.
    Well, no shit. If I had all of black America baying for my blood, I’d probably travel with a gun too.

  4. Most recent news about Zimmerman:
    The United Nations demand the US speed up their decision to prosecute Zimmerman for hate crimes. Serious. No joke
    Zimmerman’s wife accuses him of domestic violence, of yelling and threatening his father in law (?) while carrying a gun. This could be his final downfall and disarm him.

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