New Information Prompts Federal Charges Against Rittenhouse

Thanks to the good work of CNN’s investigative reporters Melanie Ellis and Blake Hicken, the Federal Government can be more proactive in prosecuting white-supremacist Kyle Rittenhouse.

Though The Independent, and other sources, had retracted their initial reports that Rittenhouse’s victims were black, it turns out they were right after all.

Ellis and Hicken were able to obtain Ancestry.com results for the two BLM martyrs, and it turns out that Joseph Rosenbaum had 2% Nigerian ancestry. Anthony Huber had 1% Senegalese ancestry.

“This is a game-changer,” said Attorney General Merrick Garland. “In light of this new information, ‘self-defense’ is no longer applicable in this case. Systemic racism renders any claims of ‘self-defense’ null and void when the killer is white, and his victim black.”

President Biden, backtracking on his earlier statement that we should respect the decision of the jury, has now announced that a new (Federal) trial will be forthcoming, and nothing less than life in prison would be an acceptable outcome for Rittenhouse.

Biden’s announcement was met with cheers by The Squad, who have vowed to stamp out white-supremacy wherever it rears its ugly head.

In related news, Pope Francis has announced that, “in light of these new developments, we now believe that Rosenbaum and Huber are good candidates for sainthood, and we’ve started the process of beautification… especially Rosenbaum, as we’re impressed with the way he dedicated his life to children.”

It’s also likely that the two martyrs will receive a posthumous Nobel Peace Prize.

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3 Responses to New Information Prompts Federal Charges Against Rittenhouse

  1. 370H55V says:

    And it isn’t even April 1.

    • Lon Spector says:

      You really should read up on the Manson “Family” cult.
      The late Charles Manson had a scheme called “Helter Skelter.”
      He wanted to provoke a race war between blacks and whites.
      He thought the blacks would win the war but would be unable to govern in
      the aftermath. So they would need to turn to the only whites left-the Manson
      Family-leaving them in control of the entire planet.
      The 1% power eliet also has such a plan. Eradicate middle class or lower
      whites. leaving the mega-wealthy (Mostly white) demagods and the
      ignorant and impovershed non white slave class. Only the Devil himself
      could dream up such a plan.

  2. Lon Spector says:

    Anyone who says that demonic possession is a myth is unaccquainted with
    current events in the West.

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