Two New Species of Hominem Discovered

I asked Grok to divide humans into two species, those who like quiet and those who like noise:

If we want to divide humanity into two new categories: Those who prefer quiet and those who prefer noise, using conventional anthropological nomenclature, what would we call these two species?

Grok:

If we were to formally split Homo sapiens into two daughter species based solely on their innate, heritable preference for auditory environments (quiet vs. noise), anthropologists would follow the binomial nomenclature established by Linnaeus and subsequent taxonomists.Here’s the most conventionally correct way this would be done:

1. The quiet-preferring species (the one that values silence, low decibels, and minimal anthropogenic sound):
   Homo silvicolus
   • Etymology: Latin silva (forest, traditionally associated with natural quiet) + -colus (from colere, “to inhabit”).
   • Literal meaning: “the forest-dweller” or “dweller in quiet places.”
   • Common name: Silvics or Silent sapiens.
2. The noise-preferring species (the one that thrives on high decibels, constant stimulation, urban soundscapes, loud music, etc.):
   Homo strepitus
   • Etymology: Latin strepitus (noise, clamor, din, uproar).
   • Literal meaning: “the noisy one.”
   • Common name: Strepies or Clamor sapiens.

Full taxonomic treatment (as it might appear in a paper):

Subtribe: Hominina
Genus: Homo
Species:
  • Homo silvicolus sp. nov. – the quiet-seeking hominid
      Holotype: a 32-year-old librarian who winces at leaf blowers
      Diagnosis: marked aversion to sound levels >45 dB; seeks acoustic refugia
  • Homo strepitus sp. nov. – the noise-seeking hominid
      Holotype: a 28-year-old festival DJ who owns 12 Bluetooth speakers
      Diagnosis: positive affective response to sound levels 85–110 dB; produces noise for social bonding

Alternative classically grounded names people sometimes joke about:

• Homo tranquillus (“the calm one”) vs. Homo cacophonius (“the harsh-sounding one”)
• Homo quietus vs. Homo loudens
• Homo shazamus vs. Homo boomboxicus (less serious, but internet-approved)

So, in the style of a 19th-century naturalist publishing in Proceedings of the Anthropological Society, the two new species would most properly be:

Homo silvicolus and Homo strepitus

…with the eternal footnote that these two species still interbreed freely at music festivals and family reunions, producing confused hybrids who wear noise-canceling headphones to nightclubs.